Good Guy or Bad Guy

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Kids and Politics

Growing up after Nixon taught me that politicians didn’t always look handsome on television. They sweat just like you and me. But I still voted. I couldn't wait to vote. I was sweating to vote. Voting was right up there with filling my own gas tank. Scary but exciting.

I gotta tell you though, imagining filling the tank for the first time terrified me. What if I chose to light a cigarette and stick it into the tank while I was pumping? What was going to stop me from doing that? I didn’t smoke yet, but it seemed like something I would do.

Voting scared me for different reasons. What if I filled in the wrong hole? What if I voted for the wrong guy? I know that one vote doesn’t make a difference, but how can you say that when monkeys on separate islands all over the planet learned the same skills simultaneously?

If I’m scribbling into the wrong hole, thousands, no millions of other people are scribbling into the wrong hole right along with me. Humans aren't unique. That’s why self-help books keep flying off the shelves. People are all like, “Hey! That not-me is like me!”

You might respond, “But you’re sloppy, Amy. Not everyone is sloppy. Most people check their votes.”

Then riddle me this. What if the names on the ballot are similar? Like in North Dakota local politics 2020, there were these two guys. One was named Ben M. Hansen and one was named Ben W. Hansen. The only difference was one had a slightly longer red beard.

Are you kidding me? How can someone vote in an election like that? Take those two President Bushes for instance. Don't ask me which one is George H. W. Bush and which one is George W. Bush. What if they ran against each other? What if I voted for the conservative when I meant to vote for the cokehead?

Can you write the candidate's names on your hand with Sharpie when you go into a voting booth? I don’t know. Can you write their names on the bottom of your shoe? Is it fraud if you get caught? What are the Sharpie and the shoe rules?

I think what really scares me about voting is the potential pop-quizzes. I have this fear, that at any particular moment, some green arm-pitted social studies teacher from…

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