How I Learned to Trade Perfectionism For Progress

Written by a true Enneagram type one.

It is clear to most people that perfectionism sucks. It sucks for the perfectionists, and it sucks for everyone around them. In the words of Jaron Lanier, “Seeking perfection in human affairs is a perfect way to destroy them.” I see that now, but I didn’t always.

I’ve been aware of my perfectionist tendencies for as long as I can remember. I may have been born a perfectionist, but I was also groomed to be one. At the age of 9, I entered the notoriously toxic world of competitive artistic gymnastics. I remember a conditioning coach teaching, “Practice doesn’t make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect.” Those words became my mantra for everything I did moving forward.

Needless to say, I spent much of my adolescence feeling like a failure. Even then, I knew perfection was unattainable, but I was willing to work to get as close as humanly possible. The problem was, no matter how close I got, it was never close enough. When I graduated college a semester early with summa cum laude honors, I barely allowed myself a moment of pride. My inner critic reasoned, “That’s not bad. BUT you didn’t volunteer enough. You didn’t join enough clubs. You didn’t network enough.” You may notice a theme. Whatever I did, even if I recognized it as good, was never enough. I was always reaching for more.

Then I moved to Italy. In my new life abroad, not only could I not be perfect, I couldn’t even be average. I tripped over my words ordering a coffee. I got lost walking to my office building and just about anywhere else in the city. I even got fired from my sales job within the first year. It turns out the constant rejection of face-to-face sales is a perfectionist’s perfect nightmare. I was the farthest from perfection I had ever been, and it crushed me.

I began hiding away. I only left the house when accompanied by my Italian boyfriend as my personal translator. I found a job in my comfort zone, teaching English. I almost moved home more than once. Then Coronavirus hit, and we all came face to face with ourselves and all of our ugly…

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