on unrequited love

I beckon you onto the porch,
And you come out.

Your face, usually framed by glasses,
Is free tonight.

You say the lights look like little fireworks
On the horizon,
And that the city sounds like
A dying carnival.

I chuckle.
You smile.

I tell you there’s something I need to say.
You nod.
I tell you there’s something I need to say.
You place your hand on mine to reassure me.

It is not quite enough
So instead of answering
I look into your eyes,
It is dark so they appear black,
But I know that they are a light chocolatey brown.

I know the beautiful soul behind them,
And in the dark
I can still see all of you.

I tell you I love you.

You stumble for a few moments,
And go inside for your glasses.

“It is understandable,” you say.
“You are great,” you say.
“You are my best friend,” you say.

I smile.
I nod.
I say it is okay.

Then I kiss you on your forehead,
And guide you back inside.
To the warmth,
To your bed,
To his bed.

Then I wander back onto the porch.
I do not know how to feel,
Because how can you miss
Something that was never there?

Nonetheless, my face leaks tears
And beneath them lie dark chocolatey puddles.

As I look out onto the city,
I chuckle and realize you were right,
Beneath my tears the lights do
Look like little fireworks
On the horizon.

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