Rules to live by

So somewhere in the course of this adventure we call life, I have come to find there are a few things that “they” have neglected to pass on. Upon turning 50 I began to realize that some of the pages in the book of life were intentionally left blank. Once I reached 60 I became aware of a lot of pages that were left blank. I have come to the conclusion that it was quite intentional. I do believe that “they” just plain did not have the guts to tell anyone what to expect. Well, keeping that in mind, I thought I should pass on some of the rules I try to live by and possibly make the transition easier for the next person.

1) Always have a plan B. Know your escape route. It might save your life or at least keep you out of jail.
2) Always plan for the worst. Then, you are never disappointed. If you expect socks and underwear for Christmas, it can only get better.
3) Be careful who you trust. Most people will fuck you when they can.
4) Never believe the ones who say “I’m always there for you.” They won’t be when you get a flat tire or have to move.
5) Never call someone your friend unless you are willing to change their tire. Moving depends on physical limits.
6) Be very, very choosy who you call friend. Your life may depend on it.
7) If you can’t tell your wife, it’s probably not a real good idea.
8) If you can’t tell your parents, it’s probably a lot of fun. Just think about it first.
9) If it requires lying, breaking the law, or stealing..? Then don’t do it. It’s going to blow up in your face.
10) Never use your last bullet. Hopefully, the other guy runs out first.
11) Bankruptcy is an acceptable way out. It’s legal and may protect your house. Twice.
12) If you call someone your friend, be sure you can trust them with your deepest secret. You just never know when you may run for office.
13) Never let them see you sweat.
14) It’s OK to cry. But don’t let anyone think it’s a weakness.
15) Even John Wayne got shot in the back. Sometimes it happens.
16) When winning is absolutely impossible then it’s OK to cheat. It might be the only way out
17) If losing is inevitable, then be sure to take one of them with you.
18) Never be cruel or cowardly, never give up, never give in. (Yes, I stole that one, google it if you want to know).
19) Only say I love you if you absolutely mean it.
20) Don’t be disappointed if they don’t say “I love you” back. They probably do.
21) Don’t force your opinion on anyone. They are entitled.
22) Don’t let people realize you do know what’s going on. Better to surprise them.
23) Get over it. Most likely they weren’t with the effort anyway.
24) Deal with your issues, see previous.
25) Remember everyone has baggage. Leave yours on the train.
26) Everybody lies. (Stole that one also, Thank you Dr. House)
27) Everyone always leaves out an important detail. They hate to look bad.
28) Admit when you fuck up. It’s a lot easier and they will blame you anyway.
29) Know that the world is going to unfold just like it’s supposed to. Believe it or not. So don’t die trying to change it.
30) Be sure this is the hill you want to die on. If yes, then give it all you got. If no, then walk away.
31) Treat your spouse like s/he is the most important person in the universe. s/he is.
32) Be nice to people. Some day one of them might be standing above you when you need a rope. And they are holding the rope.
33) You can’t choose your family. In many cases they are not people you would choose anyway.
34) You can choose your friends. Show people you are a lot smarter then they think you are.
35) In the end, there are only two people in this world you must trust implicitly. One is looking at you in the mirror, the other one is probably sleeping next to you.
36) Think, act wisely. Life doesn’t come with any do overs.
37) Only tease the ones you love. The rest probably aren’t worth talking to anyway.

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