The Love of my life

We have been thru lots of things together. I knew she was the one a week into talking. She understood me. I understood her despite having 25 years between our ages. We have grown independently and together. Right off the bat we had to deal with the loss of her 4 legged best friend. She was surrounded by family and I was on the outside looking in. It really hurt that I couldn’t do anything but be there when she called or texted. At the time I was living 30 miles away from her and was just so very helpless. We finally were able to get together and hang out for short periods of time because her family was being very protective of her and her mental state. She wasn’t prepared to find out her best friend was taken away. She knew it was coming but still, it rips your heart out.

I started at this point of us because of a conversation we had last night. I opened up about my baby that I lost to cancer and some of my good memories of her. I talked about how lost I was without either of my babies. I still feel very responsible for her getting Cancer and ultimately dying from it. Maybe If I had stayed in my marriage she would have lived. Maybe that’s the ultimate punishment for leaving something I loved so much. (I know it’s not but my heart loves to say otherwise). As if you couldn’t tell, I’m a fixer. I try and fix anything that I can. Every day I try and make everyone’s day better no matter how I feel. Anyway this seems to be a ramble and I don’t care. So my love and I have tears pouring down our cheeks digging up pictures and videos from Facebook to show each other our joy that we had. My doggy could have been a pirate. She survived at least 2 kitchen floods in her lifetime. She wasn’t more than 6 months old and the water line in the back bathroom let go and water came rushing into her part of the kitchen. She was standing on her pillow like it was an island and she wasn’t leaving unless she had to. I got a call from my father in law at the time and he suggested I come home to take a look at things. I got home and opened the back door and she left her island and stomped thru the water running to me. I could see in her eyes “daddy, daddy, daddy, save me”. We went outside in the yard and got her in calmed down and sat on the patio and rubbed her ears and give her kisses to let her know she was OK. Father in law told me to go back to work and he would take care of the flood and he would make sure little doggy was gonna be OK before heading back home. I loved my father in law more than anyone in that family will ever know. Him caring about our dogs the way we cared about them meant the world to me. Sadly the flooding happened a couple more times over the years. She became immune to it as it had become old news.

P and I had lots of scraps and bitch sessions the first time around. Lots of those arguments were about stupid things that would end with someone’s feeling getting hurt and no kisses before I came back home. She didn’t realize that those kisses made my night and made me feel loved until the next time I saw her. It got to the point were I was driving down to see her every day regardless of how long it was for. 1 time I met her for a whole 5 minutes before driving back home. I got my kisses and I was happy as hell.

We split after about 11 months because we weren’t communicating and I think she just wasn’t feeling it as much but I was also pushing for some exclusivity that she just couldn’t give. Her parents still didn’t know about me and they weren’t going to find out. She was going into her fall semester and I knew she wasn’t going to have time for me so I thought I could work on me. Working on me didn’t do lots for me. I started eating better but that was about it. P and I still communicated and we got together one day and I showed her where I was looking at relocating to. It happened to be 4 minutes from her work. It was cost effective and decent size and worked for everything I need.

We barely communicated over the xmas break but we decided to start being gym buddies. I got my membership and we started going every other day. She had been going for a while so she was in better shape but she really started showing off doing her exercises when she was on the machine next to me. I think she was trying to see if I was paying attention. After a few weeks of the gym, we decided to hang out one Sunday she didn’t have to work. We kissed and we both let go of the people we were dating at the time for each other. The second time around was difficult for me. I didn’t know exactly how I needed to change to make things work better but I assumed we’d make things work. It worked all of about 4 months or so. We split late may and it devastated both of us. Her family was butting into our conversations and I felt I lost her because of her family again.

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Life benefited from Silurian environmental conditions and thrived in the warm shallow seas and on land.