We are not Smooshed Plastic Cups

On Apologies, being hurt and fixing ourselves

There is this post going around on FB that bugs me a bit. It has this picture of a crumpled plastic cup. Then with it is a spiel about hurting people with words;

Now on the surface of it, this post is quite a feel good thing and gets people to understand that what is done can’t be undone. But there are a couple of issues that I would like to raise regarding this story meme.

Firstly, any words can be hurtful depending on context. If you have ever been through a nasty divorce, or bad break up you will know what I mean. I was once told ‘Good morning’ by a person in such a way as to make it clear that I was being wished ‘being disembowled by a blunt knife and may I burn in hell forever.’

Tone can make even innocuous words downright hurtful.

Sometimes innocent words can trigger hurtful memories, I had a former girlfriend for whom the word ‘yucky’ triggered memories of abuse that she received as a child. Her counselor would use the word ‘yucky’ in relation to the traumatic experiences. Saying that rotten fruit was yucky was hurtful to her.

To say don’t say hurtful things is rather naive. Tone, context, and triggered memories can make innocent comments hurtful.

Secondly, the use of saying sorry. Apologising has never been about fixing things. It is an admission of guilt and accepting of responsibility for your actions that have caused pain.

Saying sorry doesn’t fix things, nor does it change anything. It is an…

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