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The Photograph That Helped Me Heal

How one photo unintentionally impacted me to my core

Many years ago my friend Kathy approached me and asked if I would be interested in helping her supply a new orphanage in Cambodia with furniture, clothing and essentials. She explained that gathering resources locally was very expensive there, and that even used items are difficult to source, in need of repair and over-priced.

She asked me for two reasons- the first being that she knew I loved a good service project (and still do!). But more importantly she asked because she knew I was in NEED of a good service project.

The month before she approached me with this I had lost a baby at 19 weeks gestation. It was a horrific experience, made more traumatic by a deeply insensitive doctor and a lack of information as to what to expect in the days following the loss (think uncontrollable crying, feelings of despair and breast milk fully coming in with no child to feed).

I already had three beautiful children, aged 2 to 7 at the time, and this pregnancy was a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, I thought maybe I was too old (34- ha! I can’t even imagine thinking that way now at 49!). That October I began to be incredibly sick, something I had not experienced with any other pregnancy. I was so moody it was shocking. Something clearly wasn’t right.

However, despite feeling so physically wretched, I began to look forward to a fourth, our kids were excited. Christmas was upon us, my stomach was getting bigger and I comprised a list of potential names and started to plan for our new arrival.

But unfortunately it was not meant to be, and at the almost half-way point in my pregnancy our baby passed away.

I withdrew and didn’t want to see many people. I was upset and physically uncomfortable.

My friend Kathy came over the day I got home from the hospital and I will never forget how she climbed right into bed with me and hugged me while I cried.

That level of compassion is something few people have, and something I appreciated more than she could ever know.

Several weeks later I was at her home having coffee while our youngest girls played together and she told me about her idea to outfit the orphanage. It was just an idea taking shape, and she would need help to execute a project of this size.

I decided immediately that it was a perfect fit for me at the perfect time. If I wasn’t able to mother the child I thought I would be having, than I should be helping dozens of other children have a safe, comfortable and secure home half-way across the world.

A wonderful local businessman lent us warehouse space for free and we soon filled it with furniture, clothing and supplies.

Over the following months we worked tirelessly to gather donations, both physical and monetary. We spent hours each day sorting, organizing and packing them.

It took about 6 months and around $20,000 in donations but we did it! It was incredibly rewarding, incredibly emotional.

We met so many wonderful people who joined the project. Some people would donate things weekly, others would volunteer on a regular basis, helping us sort and pack, some just stopped by the warehouse once with contributions.

We deeply appreciated everyone and everything they contributed.

The owner of the warehouse had some of his workers take the wooden skids they received deliveries on and used them to make furniture for the orphanage- on company time!

He even gave the husband of one of our volunteers a full-time job when he found out he was unemployed.

This project drew in the best of the best in terms of kindness, compassion and hard work. The people who came alongside us were so intentional in their generosity.

In July we shipped the supplies off in a full-sized shipping container packed full. It was incredibly fulfilling.

I will admit that the following year was more difficult for me emotionally than those first six months following my loss had been.

During the project I had purpose. I was helping others significantly and once the project was over I felt the grief of my loss rise up again.

Yes I had a wonderful, supportive husband and three beautiful children, all whom I loved immensely, but grief coupled with hormones is a brutal combination and can be a brutal struggle.

I plodded along and slowly, thankfully, began to feel more like myself.

The following year my life-long friend Scott, who is a world-renown photographer, told me he would be going to Cambodia for work. I asked if he would stop by and see the orphanage to let us know what it was like and how the children were doing in their new home.

He has seen a lot throughout his travels around the world and he later told me that he had not actually planned on going there. He said the amount of neglect and abuse in orphanages was something that he found so difficult to see, and he was worried that the place we supported would be more of the same.

However, he is an incredible human and dear friend with a deep level of compassion. He knew how much his visit and first-hand account of the orphanage would mean to me, and so he went.

He reported that it was incredible- that the children were so clean, happy and well cared-for. In fact he stayed for a much longer visit than he anticipated and greatly enjoyed the children, and hearing their background stories from caring workers.

He took incredibly stunning photos and generously sent them to me after he returned to his home.

It was invaluable to me.

They are all incredibly beautiful, however one photograph literally brought me to my knees.

Of all the thousands of pieces of clothing that we sent in the shipping container, Scott just happened to take a photo of a beautiful little girl who just happened to be wearing the tiny jumper that I had sent that had belonged to my youngest daughter.

Upon seeing that photo it was as if my own personal loss suddenly made some type of sense.

It made me realize how joy can come from grief and loss. And how when we channel our pain into something good, beauty can emerge. I almost couldn’t believe what I was seeing, and had a long and very cathartic cry.

I still get a wave of emotion every time I see these photos.

Sending all of the supplies certainly had an impact on the lives of the children and workers. However as much as they received this blessing, I think the even greater gift was received by Kathy and I- first in being able to carry out the project, but then again when Scott went out of his way to visit the orphanage and take magical photos- for me the one above in particular.

If you ever wonder if the good deeds you are doing are making any difference at all, just know they always will be making a difference in some way, to someone.

Whether you are running a project, donating to one, taking photos of the end result or anything in between…from the big to the small, every single act of kindness can change someone’s day, someone’s life.

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